


The Trials Of PTZD

by BigBadLittleRed



Category: Grimm (TV)
Genre: AU, Accidental Self-Harm, Concerned Monroe, Helpful Monroe, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Monroe tries to help, Nick has PTSD?, Protective Nick, Sort of Self-Harm?, protective Monroe, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-18
Updated: 2015-02-08
Packaged: 2018-03-08 01:18:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3190436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BigBadLittleRed/pseuds/BigBadLittleRed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the incident with the Baron, Nick finds himself still suffering after effects of the toxin spit on him. While he no longer can break a sweat after running for extremely long periods of time; can hold his breath longer than seems possible, and seems stronger than ever, not everything is on the up and up.</p><p>Monroe tries to help Nick deal with it, but it seems like none of them can do anything to stop it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Losing Time

Shortly after Nick's battle with fake death and the zombie like rage that accompanied afterwards, he was still stuck with symptoms of it. According to his doctor, his heart rate never rises above 30 beats a minute even when heavily exerted. And then there's the whole hearing so many things he couldn't hear before. He gets his regular color back to his skin after he returns to normal, but there are these times when it doesn't seem like he's more than a corpse

-

There's one time, when he's asleep and wakes up to Monroe dialing 911 and looking completely petrified. He explains that Nick had taken on an eerie pale color and didn't seem to have a pulse. It happens more and more over time, and that's when the episodes start.

-

At first it begins with a simple moment.

Nick's making coffee one morning, in his sweatpants and tank top. His hair still ruffled with bedhead and eyes bleary with sleep, then suddenly a clock goes off. It's loud and interrupts the regular quiet ticking, Nick jumps and drops his mug. It shatters on the floor, and Monroe comes racing in wearing his workout clothes. Nick's still standing at the counter, staring down at the shards. He doesn't even notice Monroe at first, but he feels this odd sense of anger roll through him. Like he's furious at himself for breaking something, and then it passes when he feels Monroe's hand on his shoulder. 

How the hand got there, he didn't even know. But he follows the pair of feet all the way up to the dark brown eyes staring at him in concern. He gives Monroe a look to get across the point that he didn't hear him if he said something.

"I said, are you all right?" He asks softly, free hand moving up to cup Nick's jaw. The younger man nods, a little baffled at the open emotion on the man's face.

"I just dropped a cup." He says, and Monroe opens his mouth before closing it again and shaking his head gently. 

"You looked really pale, and I was talking and you weren't saying anything." He explains, runs a thumb over his throat where he knows his pulse is.

"It's harder to hear your pulse now." Monroe says quietly, and Nick understands 'now' as 'since the incident'. 

"I'm fine, go back to your work out." He shrugs off the hand on his shoulder and leans down to pick up the pieces of mug.

-

Slowly things begin to progress, in a way that nobody likes. 

Nick and Hank take Monroe along to hunt down a Hundjäger, Monroe tracks down the scent and disappears behind some trees while they follow behind. There's a sound of a scuffle, and Nick races forward to find Monroe being punched out by the creature of suspect.

Rage flows through him like white fire so hot it's icy cold, and he loses it.

He's not sure what exactly he loses, because next thing he knows he's leaning over the Hundjäger and whaling on him over and over again. Someone grabs him and yanks him off, and a voice filters through the blood rushing through his ears.

"Nick stop!" It's Hank, who's rushing forward and cuffing the suspect while Monroe holds Nick's arms tightly. 

"Jeez, man.. We yelled stop like six times." Monroe says, voice a murmur as he releases Nick's hand and presses his palm to Nick's forehead. He turns Nick to face him, moves his hand down and presses the back of it to his cheek.

"You're kind of cold, a little pale. You feel all right?" He asks, those warm pools of swirling concern staring right through him. 

"Yeah, I feel fine." He tells the other, truthfully in fact, just a little confused...

-

A few weeks later he's slumped over desk work, glaring down at it as the exhaustion sets in and words begin to jumble together. An odd feeling starts to swirl through his body, like a caffeine buzz after a week without sleep. He blinks his eyes, tries to focus but things start to become distant, sounds and voices turn to echoes of muted noise. He loses feeling, before everything goes black.

He comes to and he's no longer in the precinct, but surrounded by tall trees. It's dark and cold, and his right hand hurts like hell. He's tired and his legs are sore like he's been running, but he's only slightly winded. 

Nick reaches for his pocket when his phone starts to ring, answers it when he sees it's Monroe.

"Hey." He says, because what else is he going to say? He starts stumbling forward through the dark, tunes into the noise of the cars passing by a nearby road. 

"What's going on? Where the hell are you!?" Monroe asks, sounding panicked and worried.

"What do you mean?" He questions, stopping and leaning against a tree.

"I mean Hank just called and said you started looking really sick and was acting funny. When an officer said something, you punched his lights out then ran out." He says hurriedly, and Nick frowns and looks down at his aching right hand. Sure enough there's a small bruise on one of his knuckles, his legs start to shake at the revelation that he remembers none of this.

"I-I... I don't remember.. Monroe why can't I remember?" His voice trembles and cracks, feeling the tiredness washing over him and emotions welling to the surface.

"Okay, okay.. It's all right, do you know where you are?" Monroe's voice is suddenly calm and soothing, Nick focuses on it and takes in a deep breath before exhaling slowly.

"In the woods I think.. It's dark, I can hear cars.." He explains softly, and there's a sound of something rustling and a bang of a car door.

"Okay, make your way onto the road. I won't hang up, just find the road and tell me where you are." He instructs him, Nick finds himself obeying without question.

He indeed finds a road, a car passes him by, and he starts walking until he breaks from the forest and finds a road sign near a familiar neighborhood. He was almost home, just a few miles. He didn't see his car, did he really walk six miles from the station?

"I'm on Silver Street. I don't know where my car is.." He says, and Monroe sighs. 

"Nick you left your car at the station, how the hell did you get there?" He asks, and Nick shakes his head.

"I don't know... Monroe.. I'm scared." As soon as the words leave his mouth he regrets them, he doesn't like those words. Even in those few times of panic or confusion, he'll never admit to fear. And he knows how protective Monroe gets in his times of momentary weakness.

"It's all right, I'm headed your way.. Just sit down for a minute and wait, calm down a little.. Take a few breaths.." Nick sits on the edge of the road, tilts his head between his knees and breathes deeply for a little bit while listening to Monroe breathe over the phone.

Soon enough he hears an engine, spots the yellow bug and stands slowly. Monroe pulls up in front of him and jumps out, races over and engulfs him in a hug. Nick buries his face against the other's chest, clings to the back of his plaid shirt and just soaks in the comfort.

"Come on, we're going home." The older man says quietly, before turning and leading him with a small hand on his lower back to the passenger car. He folds into his seat and Monroe shuts the door before going around and getting in the driver's seat.

He pulls out his phone again, and Nick doesn't see the number.

"Hey, it's Monroe.. I found him, he's okay.. A little confused.. But okay." He says with a frown and a glance in his direction. 

"No, I don't know.. He said he was in the woods, he doesn't remember..." Monroe starts the car up and turns the car around before heading back towards the house. 

"In the woods off Silver... I know, six miles." He mutters, shakes his head. 

"I'm going to take him home, he's tired and upset.. I'm not going to put him through anything else tonight. Okay, bye." He hangs up, and turns to smile at Nick, it doesn't reach his eyes like the worry does.


	2. Aftershocks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Monroe and Nick put the pieces together and make an unsettling discovery

"Don't you want to know what happened?" Nick asks when they reach the house. The whole car ride had been silent, and Monroe kept throwing him uneasy glances out of the corner of his eye.

 

Monroe shakes his head, arm wrapping around his shoulder and leading him to the front door.

 

"Not tonight, you're tired, you've been working all night.. In the morning things will be a little more clear hopefully.." He says as he opens the door.

 

"Head upstairs, get in bed. I'll lock up." He tells him, and gives him a slight nudge towards the stairs.

 

Nick walks up the steps and into their room, shrugs out of his jacket and shirt before tugging off his jeans and going over to his dresser. He grabs out a pair of sweats and pulls them on, along with one of his soft sleep shirts. He walks into the bathroom and brushes his teeth, looking himself over. He's got dark circles under his eyes, and he does look a little pale.. Not like a corpse though, like someone who's bone tired and in need of a few hours sleep.

 

Nick returns into the room and heads over to the door. He turns off the main light but leaves on the bedside lamp on Monroe's side of the bed, sinking under the covers on his side and dropping his head against his pillow. Monroe comes in, and Nick smirks when he hears the sigh and the grumbling about how he never picks up his clothes.

 

It makes everything seem normal and okay, even though it's far from it. There's a few minutes when Monroe gets into his own sleepwear before coming into view on his side of the bed wearing sweatpants and a tank top. He gives Nick a smile before getting into bed alongside him, scooting over towards Nick and leaning back momentarily to flick off the light.

 

As darkness engulfs them, Nick curls into Monroe's side and waits for him to move onto his side as well. He tugs Nick forward into his arms, pressing a kiss to his head as the Grimm nestles his face against his chest.

 

"I love you." He murmurs, and Monroe's chest vibrates with a soft chuckle.

 

"I love you too." He whispers, squeezes him gently. Nick falls asleep quickly.

-

The next morning, Nick awakes to find it late morning. He curses, getting up quickly because he has work. Monroe walks in suddenly, goes up to him and pushes him back down on the bed.

 

"You're off today." He says simply, and Nick frowns.

 

"What? Why?" He mutters, and Monroe rolls his eyes at him.

 

"Because you punched out a cop and ran six miles to the middle of nowhere.. Your Captain says you have today and tomorrow off.." He tells his boyfriend, before pushing at his shoulders until his head's on the pillow.

 

"Now I want you to rest... And that means no going out jogging, no going to work, no car.. Nothing." He tells him, and Nick does not pout, but brood..

 

"I'm not hearing snoring, I want to hear that chainsaw I'm so used to." He laughs quietly, and Nick hates himself for smiling lightly.

 

"All right?"

 

"All right." Nick relents with a sigh, pulls the covers up and turns onto his side again. He receives a stubbly kiss to his cheek, and Monroe disappears out the door again.

-

Nick is feeling a lot better by the afternoon, walks downstairs to find Monroe working on one of his clocks.

 

"I thought I told you to-" Nick holds a hand up, collapses on the couch.

 

"I want to watch TV and nothing else." He explains, and Monroe nods before going back to his work.

 

Nick lays across the couch, flipping through channels before landing on a random comedy show and setting the remote down beside him.

 

He's not sure how, but even after so much sleep, he starts to doze after a while.

-

_He feels nothing but angry and completely confused, eyes swiping over the agitated man before him. His words are muffled and he doesn't even understand him really, but the man pushes him and he lashes out with raw anger fueling every move._

_Every movement filled with hatred and malevolence. A man pulls out a knife, but he just hits a little harder, moves a little faster._

_Everything hurts, he's so confused, why is he so angry?_

_**"Nick"** _

_The voice is familiar, suddenly he's in a dark barn and there's Monroe. Woged out and holding him by the shoulders, he struggles but the older man isn't letting go. Nick can't even understand him, but every word is like a knife to his skull and he just wants it to stop. Every movement is agony, and he's so lost._

**_"Nick!"_ **

 

He screams, thrashing wildly as he still feels the pressure on his shoulders, holding and constricting him.

 

"Nick!" He's shaken roughly, and his eyes snap open to find Monroe staring down at him.

 

"Monroe?" He croaks, voice hoarse.

 

"You were dreaming.." The older man explains.

 

The hand that caresses his cheek is warm and soothing to his frayed nerves. The anger fading and replaced by a bit of sadness.

 

"Hey, you're okay.." Monroe leans down and presses a kiss to his forehead.

 

Nick clears his throat, nods and sits up, he scoots down the couch and pats the cushion in a small gesture. Monroe smiles and sits down reclining against the arm and pulling his legs onto the couch as Nick crawls onto his chest. He rests his head against Monroe's chest, sighing with content when the Blutbad drags his fingers through his hair. He wants to talk, to explain even a little bit..

 

"I started getting really tired.. I had some paperwork to finish, and words starting blurring.. I've gotten that before when I get tired, words mashing together until I can't really focus.." He tells Monroe, staring at a clock on the wall, one of many.

 

"But then I started feeling weird, like an energy started to buzz just beneath my skin.. Everything got really far away, I couldn't feel anything, everything went numb.. And I blacked out." Nick says softly, falling quiet for a moment to just focus on the fingers in his hair and the warm hand on his back.

 

"I woke up in the woods, just standing there.. Then you called, and you know the rest.." He leans his head up, propping his chin on Monroe's chest. The man is looking down at him in thought.

 

"Well you seemed mad and ready to pounce to Hank... Said it reminded him of when-" He pauses, looking away. Nick knows, knows that he was an angry crazed psycho that stopped at nothing.

 

"Do you think that's what happened?" Nick asks quietly, and Monroe shrugs lightly.

 

"I dunno, Nicky.. But you're going to be fine while I'm around.." He assures, leans close to kiss at his lips.

 

"It's not me I'm worried about.." Nick murmurs, settles back down on Monroe's chest and twines their legs together. Monroe rests his chin against Nick's head, sighs quietly as he turns on the TV.

 


	3. Black Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nick isn't the only one getting traumatized here.

For the next few weeks they're okay, things seem to shift back into something that is oddly considered normalcy. He arrests humans and Wesen alike, sometimes the occasional unavoidable kill... Then he goes home to crash in bed with Monroe, before starting everything over again.

 

It seems okay, simple and fine. He has his job, Monroe, Hank, and most of all, his health. It only seems as if his health is benefitting, not mentally but physically. It's easier to run people down, he's not sure whether to be unsettled or happy.. Not that he wasn't in good physical shape before, but now? It's good to easily sprint a half mile with barely breaking a sweat.

 

Mentally, well he still can't shake the nightmares.. But they've lessened in the slightest, and he doesn't wake up screaming that much anymore. It's good that he doesn't scare the hell out of Monroe each time he has night terrors, they shouldn't both have to suffer sleep deprivation.

 

So everything is close to normal, of course nothing lasts forever.

-

One day, Nick's at the station. Sure, things have been stressful lately. He's not gotten much sleep, and he has a lot of desk work piling up along with his recent cases to deal with. But he's determined to power through, he takes Hank with him to interview some witnesses and gets a possible suspect from them. It's going okay, the usual..

 

He gets back to the office though, and things start to weigh down.. His body is getting that heavy feeling that accompanies exhaustion, but he can't quit yet. He still has to report to the Captain, and there's paperwork with his name on it on his desk. It's only ten, he can do this!

 

So he sets to work, gets through a couple of reports before an officer comes in with a suspect that needs interrogating. Nick and Hank team up to question the man.

 

He can't tell if the guy is Wesen, but he doesn't seem it so he goes along with the usual technique. They grill the guy for a while, turn the heat down and let the cold in. See if they can get him irritated and ready to spill everything. He looks good for this, but they need a confession. So Nick finally steps in for the kill, he walks from the back room into the room with the suspect. The cool air washes over his skin, he takes in a deep breath and icy air flows through his lungs.

 

Something comes over him, a veil of darkness...

-

_His skin alights with pain, head pounding along with the beat of his slow heart rate. A deep ache sends him into panic, where is he? He's closed in a metal box, and it's close quarters that he can't stand. It's hard enough to breathe with the pain, but this? He rams a fist into the lid with a loud CLANG, before using his other to do the same. Soon the box lid comes away, and he sits up._

_The Baron stands before him, smiling and talking, spits in his face. He feels the groggy lull of pain start to drag him under, but it's not enough. He snaps from his haze quickly and leaps from his confines, attacks the man._

_He hits and punches, never relenting. Then they stumble along into the confines of the cockpit, there are alarms everywhere and the sound just makes him more frustrated and in more agony. With a shout he rams the Baron against the cockpit, the view outside tipping downwards to the ground._

_Everything goes black with a deafening screech and crash._

_-_

"Nick!" He stumbles back and hits the ground, his head connects with cold floor. He blinks his eyes open to find a light just above him, he tastes blood.

 

Attempting to move is a bad idea, his shoulder screams with protest, as do his wrists which are bound together in front of him. Nick sits up slowly, finds himself in bloody cuffs. His wrists are cut pretty badly, blood dripping onto his pants in syrupy crimson splotches.

 

"-us man?" The words filter in slowly, echoing slightly. Nick looks up and finds himself in a cell, Wu, Hank, and Renard standing outside of it looking completely terrified.

 

"What happened?" He asks, finding his throat dry and sore like he'd been screaming.

 

"Did someone call Monroe?" Hank asks, and Wu nods.

 

"He's on his way here." He explains, and Nick frowns.

 

"Answer me guys, what the hell is going on?" He questions, and Hank slowly unlocks the cell.

 

"You just went berserk, attacked Sutherland in the interrogation room.. We had to cuff you and throw you in here, you kept screaming and throwing yourself at the bars like a maniac.." He tells him as he walks in cautiously, like he's afraid... Afraid of _Nick_.

 

"I don't... That wasn't me, you know that right? I'd never do something like that.." He says, reaching out and watching Hank flinch, cringing back at him.

 

"Yeah, man.. You weren't yourself.." He murmurs, unlocks the handcuffs and helps him up.

 

"Monroe's coming?" Nick asks, and Hank nods as he pushes him to sit down at his desk.

 

Wu brings him some gauze to wrap around his wrists, everyone's staring at him like he's a suspect or something dangerous. He feels like an outsider, a freak, more than ever..

 

He sits quietly until Monroe shows up, runs in and right up to him.

 

Nick can't look at him, not after all he's done.. He's attacked a suspect, probably even his coworkers, his friends.. How long until he attacks Monroe?

 

"Nick, look at me." Monroe whispers, and Nick feigns interest in the red staining through the white gauze on his wrists.

 

"Look at me." Monroe's voice demands obedience, he sighs and peers up at him a little bit.

 

"I'm gonna take you to the hospital, and we're going to have to talk about this.. Me, you, Rosalee maybe.. She might be able to help.." He explains quietly, and Nick nods.

 

He's biting down on the inside of his cheeks, holding back the fear and the anger. Because he won't make another scene in front of the people he's earned respect from. Monroe walks him out to the car, an arm around him. The close proximity comforts him and makes him further anxious. They get into the car and sit for a few minutes in silence.

 

"I don't like this... You've gotten to the point where you're not just hurting others, you're hurting yourself.." Monroe starts with a sigh.

 

Nick nods, because he feels like if he talks he might just burst into tears.

 

"So we're going to talk to Rosalee, and we're going to try to fix this... But what we also need to figure out, is what causes this.." He tells Nick, who nods again.

 

"Now what do you remember?" He questions, and Nick shakes his head. He really doesn't want to talk about it, he turns his head to look out the window.

 

"Nick, talk to me.. What happened?" He places a hand on Nick's knee, thumb making soothing strokes over the fabric of his jeans.

 

"I.. I walked into the interrogation room... And we made it cold in there.. And I guess.. I guess it made me remember? I was in a coffin, and it was cold and I was in a lot of pain.." He runs his hands through his hair and leans over.

 

"I was hurting and confused, I busted out.. And the Baron was waiting for me.. All I could think was that I didn't know where I was but I knew I wasn't safe.." Nick covers his face with his hands, takes in a shaky breath.

 

"You had a flashback?" Monroe murmurs, and Nick shrugs.

 

"Nicky that's high grade PTSD... You were triggered, this isn't just a curse or symptoms of the toxin.. Well I guess some of it is.. But lashing out like that, that's all in your head.." He runs his hand along the nape of Nick's neck.

 

"S-So that's just it? I'm going crazy?" Nick's voice goes a little higher than he's used to it going, and it's probably caused by the lump in his throat.

 

"You are _not_ crazy, Nicholas Burkhardt." Monroe sighs, pulls at his shoulder a little so he can kiss his cheek.

 

"C'mon, let's get you fixed up.." Monroe starts the car as Nick leans back in his seat, thinking about what's next to come.


	4. Some Painkillers And The Opinion Of A Fuchsbau

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a trip to the hospital, Monroe and Nick seek out Rosalee's opinion on the situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Been so very tired because of school, but I'm trying my best here! Enjoy!)

The doctor explains that his shoulder is thankfully not dislocated, but there's mottled bruises attempting to form and Nick knows those are gonna be a bitch for a while. His wrists get him some odd looks from the nurse, but the story they told them was not entirely untrue. He works with the police and he'd been held captive, technically it wasn't a lie. He's given some painkillers, and told to get some sleep.. According to the doctor's expression, he looks like hell..

 

But Monroe's not ready to call it quits, oh no...

 

"Rosalee, hey.. Sorry to wake you, are you home? Yeah, Nick's been having some problems and we need your help.." He says into the phone as they leave the parking lot of the hospital.

 

"We're just leaving the hospital.. W- No, he's okay, a little bruised up.. Well- No it's complicated.." He sighs, and gives Nick one of those side glances that doesn't even need an eye roll to be sassy.

 

"Okay, we'll be there soon.. Thanks so much.." He hangs up, and Nick slumps down in his seat with a huff. No, he is not above pouting.

 

"I'm tired.." He whines, frowning excessively. Monroe snorts, shakes his head.

 

"You're not squirming out of this.." He tells him with conviction, and Nick sighs loudly.

 

"Sigh all you want, but we're getting Rosalee's opinion." He mutters, and Nick huffs before leaning his head against the window.

 

-

 

"Oh, man.. Nick, what happened!?" Rosalee says when she greets them at the door. He's aware that he looks like hell, he doesn't need it pointed out. He's wearing a sweater Monroe brought him, and a pair of jeans he'd brought from home.

 

"He did it to himself." Monroe says as Rosalee lets Nick pull her into his arms and hug her.

 

"He's awful to me, he won't let me go to bed." Nick whines into her shoulder, sighing contently when the woman runs her fingers through his hair carefully. He winces when she runs her fingers over the knot on the back of his head.

 

"Monroe, shame on you." He can tell she's just mocking them both, but catering to Nick's side more.

 

"Rosalee he had a flashback and attacked a suspect.. Then got himself thrown in a jail cell, tore up his damn wrists in the cuffs and refused to settle down for like fifteen minutes." Monroe explains with a sigh, and Rosalee coos at Nick, he can feel her smirking into his hairline when she presses a kiss to his head.

 

"Mean old Monroe... C'mon in.." She leads Nick over to the couch and lets him sit down.

 

"Don't encourage him! He's not a child.." Monroe's trying to fight a smile.

 

"He's just a baby Grimm, Monroe.. Look at him." She gestures to him and he puts on full force puppy face.

 

"You two disgust me." Monroe sighs, slumping down on the couch next to Nick and pulling him into his side so he can lean against him.

 

Monroe starts to go through the basics of what's been happening lately while Nick starts to doze against his shoulder. Monroe's soft tone is soothing and he can't help but melt against him, anxiety starting to fade a little more into exhaustion.

 

"Nick." He jerks as the voice pulls him from his half asleep state, blearily looking up at Monroe.. He's laying in the older man's lap, he tilts his head up slightly and finds his legs across Rosalee's lap. The TV's on, and one of Rosalee's hands are resting on one of his, the other tracing patterns across his leg through the fabric of his jeans.

 

"How long was I out?" Nick murmurs, blinking a few times.

 

"About thirty minutes, you started twitching.." Monroe rubs a soothing hand across his chest and he sighs.

 

"Ready to go?" He asks the younger, who lets his head drop back against the arm of the couch. The exhaustion is still there, bone deep and not making any signs of clearing up yet. His body is heavy, he groans softly.

 

"Carry me." He says petulantly, and smirks when he hears Rosalee giggle.

 

"Just because I can, doesn't mean I will.. You are thirty five years old.. Not five." He huffs, and Nick frowns, closing his eyes.

 

"You always get your way.." Monroe murmurs, and presses a soft kiss to his forehead. Nick smiles sleepily, and lets Monroe push him off his lap and back onto the couch. Rosalee stands up, walks by him and tussles his hair with a smile. Nick sits up and holds out his arms, Monroe pulls him to his feet and lets him lean against his chest for a moment.

 

"You don't have to carry me.." Nick says quietly, and Monroe presses another kiss to his temple.

 

"I don't mind, besides.. You're so slow, we'd get home just in time for us to be put into an old folks home." With a swift movement, Nick's legs are wrapped around Monroe's waist. Nick's eyes are level with Monroe's, he smiles brightly at the older man.

 

"Look, we finally see eye to eye." He says jokingly, and Monroe rolls his eyes.

 

"I thought you were tired." He comments, and Nick makes quick work of wrapping his arms around Monroe's neck and resting his face against his boyfriend's throat.

 

"Bye, Rosalee." Monroe sighs, walking out like he didn't have a grown man attached to his front.

 

"Bye guys, get some sleep, Nick.." She tells them, and the door closes behind them.

 

"There's a couple walking down the sidewalk, and they're looking at me like I'm crazy." Monroe whispers in his ear, getting a soft snort from Nick.

 

"They just don't realize you're the best boyfriend ever." He murmurs tiredly, and Monroe's laugh vibrates in his chest.

 

"That's right, hell yeah I am.." He says, and suddenly he's being put down. Nick climbs into the car and puts on his seat belt, sinks down and closes his eyes again.

 

"What'd Rosalee say...?" He asks softly, eyes still closed.

 

"She said that it's probably just trauma.. And that you just need to take it easy and recuperate.. She gave me this tea." He explains, and Nick gives a soft huff of laughter.

 

"Tea fixes everything, Nick Burkhardt." Monroe says sternly, but he can hear the smile on his face.

 

"You deprived me of sleep for tea.. Hope you're happy." He mutters, turns a little and starts to doze again.

 

 


	5. Small Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renard talks to Hank and Nick.

"Burkhardt, Griffin, can I see you in my office?" Renard says as he passes by them, pausing briefly to look back at them.

 

"Yeah, sure Captain." Nick shrugs, standing and following the man into his private office. After Hank shuts the door, they look over to Renard.

 

"Look, I know you've been dealing with the port-mortem issues.." Renard starts, and Nick rolls his eyes.

 

"I'm handling it, it's fine.." He says, and Renard holds a hand up to silence him.

 

"I'm just wondering if this is natural or not..." He says, sitting down at his desk.

 

"Natural as in.." Hank leads, and Renard leans back and crosses his arms.

 

"As in, is this trauma.. Or a side effect?" He questions, and Hank turns to Nick.

 

"I've been wondering that myself, really.." He murmurs, and Nick rubs the back of his neck.

 

"We think it might be a little of both.. I've been showing.. Signs of extra strength, increased hearing.. Monroe has woken me up twice saying that I was stone cold, pale, and didn't have a pulse." He explains with a huff.

 

"Is that going to be an issue?" The Captain asks, and Nick sighs.

 

"I can't say it won't.. But if it becomes one, I'll be sure to inform you..." He says quietly, and Renard nods.

 

"That's all I ask.." He agrees, and Nick turns for the door.

 

"But Burkhardt-" He looks over his shoulder.

 

"If you need time off, tell me.. I can't afford to lose one of my best detectives." He says, and Nick smiles lightly.

 

"I will." He walks out with Hank in tow.

 

"So what did you mean by it's a little of both...?" Hank asks as they sit back at their desks, Nick slides his chair closer to Hank so nobody overhears them.

 

"Monroe thinks it's um.. PTSD.. I'm getting flashbacks of what happened on the plane... Afterwards.." He murmurs, and Hank nods.

 

"I can understand that, how.. What was it like? In that state?" He seems nervous to ask the question, like he's afraid to offend Nick.

 

"It hurt... A lot.. Like my head was being bashed in.. I was confused, I couldn't understand what anyone was saying.. All I had was this white hot rage deep inside me, anyone got remotely near me and I attacked." He sighs, and Hank points at him.

 

"Like the other day, with your little... Whatever the hell that was.. You stepped into the interrogation room and just froze, we watched you stand there for like a full minute.. And Sutherland said something, and you just snapped.. Walked right up to him and punched him right in the face... We ran in there when you tackled him onto the floor and started beating the crap out of him." He mutters.

 

"I don't remember it.. All I remember was seeing the guy on the plane... Attacking me.." He says softly, and Hank is giving him that worried look.

 

"You even tried attacking us.. So we cuffed you, dragged you out.. Threw you into a cell.. Everyone was asking what happened, and we all just sort of helplessly stood there while you screamed and mangled yourself." He presses a hand over his mouth, looking away.

 

"I thought you'd lost your mind.." He whispers.

 

"I think I am.." Nick runs a hand through his hair.

 

"I hope not.. You're the only person in this precinct who I can tolerate patrolling with." Hank says goodheartedly with a small laugh, Nick smirks.

 

"Gee, thanks." He turns back to his computer.

 


	6. Reboot In Case Of Accidental Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nick does something without thinking, Monroe and Hank get a glimpse of Nick's new alarming powers.
> 
> (A retake of the episode 'One Night Stand', where Monroe is there and the side effects take a toll on Nick.)

They locate Elly, Dominic, and Jesse as quick as they can. Hurrying back to the docks, pulling up in the car and scrambling out.

 

"Hey!" Hank calls out, spotting the two holding Elly captive at the end of the pier.

 

Dominic and Jesse quickly stand, and Dominic kicks off something in the water. They watch a rope on the dock disappear into the water, until it yanks Elly under as well.

 

"No!" Nick shouts, racing forward.

 

"Get him!" Hank demands of Monroe, who nods and woges. He grabs Jesse while Hank goes after Dominic.

 

Nick leaps into the water without hesitation, disappearing under the dark water.

 

Hank and Monroe take on the two naiads, who fight back viciously.

 

Finally, Monroe gets in a good punch to Jesse's face and the man goes down. Hank tackles Dominic and cuffs him, Monroe already racing over to the edge of the peer.

 

"NICK!" He calls, peering around. Nick had been under for a decent amount of time already, Monroe was debating jumping in after him.

 

"NICK!" He shouts again, eyes searching the murky depths. He takes a few steps back, about to charge forward after his boyfriend when he resurfaces.

 

Nick's pale, so is Elly. The water has to be freezing, Monroe grabs Elly out of Nick's arms and hands her off to Hank to pull the younger man out of the water.

 

Elly starts coughing and gasping seconds later, seeming shook up but all together fine. They start heading back to the car, where help will soon arrive. Monroe walks beside Nick, Nick having been stripped of his shirt and given Monroe's jacket to wear while Elly wears Hank's. The Grimm is still looking dangerously pale, while Elly's regaining her color.

 

"Nick, you doing all right?" Monroe murmurs, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

 

"What? Yeah... I'm just a little... tired.." His words slow slightly before Monroe watches as his knees give out and he starts to collapse.

 

"Nick!" He grabs Nick by the waist, lowering him down onto the pier. Hank comes racing back, Elly hesitantly following.

 

"He just dropped.. Nick? Nick, baby, wake up.." Monroe taps at his cheek lightly, searching for some sort of response.

 

Hank moves to the other side of his partner to press his fingers to Nick's throat. Monroe can't hear his heart beating, but then again it's been harder to hear lately.

 

"Can't find a pulse.. He's really cold..." He says quietly, running a hand over his face.

 

"Should we do CPR or something? He was under for a really long time, maybe it's lack of oxygen!" Monroe rambles, but Nick jerks suddenly, coughing and gasping. He lets out an audible shudder, and his eyes blink open as his color immediately begins to return.

 

"Nick!" Monroe grins, Nick frowning up at him.

 

"What's going on?" He says, teeth chattering slightly.

 

"You collapsed, idiot." Hank huffs, and Nick grabs onto Monroe's arm to pull himself into a sitting position.

 

"Damn, it's cold.." He shivers, Monroe immediately wrapping his arms around him and hugging him close.

 

Elly's signing something at them, looking confused and a little worried.

 

"Sorry, don't do ASL unfortunately." Monroe mutters as the girl repeats the signals again.

 

"Cold... Something about water..." Nick shudders, and Monroe looks down at his boyfriend with confusion.

 

"You speak ASL?" He questions, and Nick shrugs.

 

"Back in high school I took a class for maybe a month before dropping it... I learned some things but not a lot..." He explains as Monroe pulls him to his feet.

 

"Your sisters, they can translate." Hank tells her when she looks to him, and she nods.

 

Suddenly like on cue, Abel, Sarah, and Anna come racing down the docks.

 

They embrace each other, before Elly leans away and points to Nick as she looks to her family.

 

She starts to sign again, her sisters and father looking at her in confusion.

 

"She's been trying to tell us something..." Hank says, crossing his arms.

 

"She says... The water is below what a human can take.. Even a Grimm.. She says the water was too cold, and the Grimm should be dead." Anna explains with a frown.

 

"You jumped in after her?" Abel asks as he observes Nick, who nods.

 

"Thank you.." He mutters, and Nick smiles lightly.

 

"No problem, it's my job." He says, they head back to the car as they begin to hear sirens approaching.

 

"You were dead... I couldn't hear your pulse.. At all.." Monroe murmurs, and Nick looks at him for a long moment.

 

"Maybe that's the way it works.." He says quietly.

 

"How what works?" He questions, and Nick runs a hand through his damp hair.

 

"Maybe if there's too much stress... Too much for my body to handle.. Even when it tries to give out.."  
  


"It restarts your heart.." Monroe finishes softly, and Nick nods.

 

"Exactly... Like a reboot." He laughs.

 

"That's not only extremely creepy but it's also a little disturbing to be honest.. Get in the car, we need to get you warm." He mutters, nudging the Grimm towards the vehicle.

 


	7. Not Immortal, But Something Like It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nick takes a hit that should have killed him... Key words, should have.

A Manticore, it was like these things were popping up everywhere... Well not everywhere, but he'd seen three in his lifetime and now a fourth? This was not normal.

 

He was wanted for many deaths, and was the leader of a human biker gang... They called him Venom, which was pretty catchy for humans that didn't even know what a Wesen was..

 

They'd cornered Venom in an abandoned building, him, Hank, Wu, and Monroe. Nick didn't want Monroe pulled into this, but he'd insisted on helping. Venom had woged, revealing his lion like face and scorpion tail that threatened certain death to anyone that neared him. They circled him, all of them trying to decide the next move.

 

There were guns, sure, but they weren't even sure how a gun would affect a Manticore.. Plus if the bullet went through, then it might hit someone else from the close quarters.

 

"Make your move, Grimm." Venom snarls, tail whipping around furiously. Wu moves first, stepping forward. The tail flicks around and Nick doesn't hesitate to dive between the Wesen and Wu, firing his gun.

 

The shot rings out, right as a searing pain digs into his back. Nick lets out a scream and everything starts to muffle out. He hits the ground, writhing in agony.

 

Monroe's leaning over him, talking frantically, but Nick can't really hear his words.. Only watch his worried brown eyes as he yells to someone else.

 

"You're so beautiful.." Nick whispers with a small smile, and Monroe looks back to him.. A bitter snort escapes Monroe's lips, tears in his eyes that drip onto Nick's shirt.

 

His vision blackens around the edges, eyes starting to droop. Monroe's still talking to him, looking worried and scared.

 

As Nick's eyes start to roll up in his head, he thinks he gets out one last 'I love you'.. Or at least, he hopes he does...

 

-

 

"-I swear on all that is mighty... "

 

"Burkhardt, open your eyes."

 

"-better not be dead."

 

Nick's eyes slowly open, vision blurry as he listens to voices echoing around him.

 

"-from the dead."

 

"-miracle? Nah, he's too stubborn to die."

 

"You guys talk too much.." Nick murmurs, cringing.

 

"There he is!" Monroe's voice is still a little distorted but he can tell it's him.

 

"What happened?" Nick murmurs, trying to observe his surroundings.

 

"You're at the Spice Shop.." Hank's voice tells him, and he looks up and indeed finds the wooden ceiling.. The smells of the Spice Shop coming back to him.

 

"You've got a really disgusting hole in your shoulder.. Like that is not something I wanted to see.." Wu is laughing.

 

"Manticore?" Nick recalls, and turns to see Monroe's face next to him.

 

"Yeah, and you're an asshole.. You're not allowed to say 'I love you' as you're nearing death.. That's not cool." The Blutbad rolls his eyes.

 

"Sorry." Nick says sheepishly, feeling the dull ache returning to his back, he winces.

 

"Look, turn on your side." Monroe pulls at him gently, tugging him on his side facing him.

 

"Better?" He asks.

 

"Yeah.." He mutters.

 

"I've never heard of anyone surviving the sting of the Manticore.." Rosalee says from somewhere behind him.

 

"We pumped you full of adrenaline and your body metabolized the poison." Monroe says with a grin.

 

"Did you try turning it off and turning it back on again?" Nick jokes, and receives a flick to the forehead.

 

"Hardy har har.. Just because your heart doesn't know how to die, doesn't mean you get to be funny on your death bed.." He mutters.

 

"I'm not on my deathbed though." Nick counters, pursing his lips to invite Monroe close for a kiss.

 

"You're an idiot." Monroe sighs, but complies.

 

"But I'm you're idiot.." Nick grins, and it was true... They belonged to each other, faults, imperfections and all..


End file.
